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Sometime, not so long ago, I found myself in a moral conflict between an authorative figure’s trust in my and a friendship I have invested much in. The authoritative figure did not want his opinion of my friend known, but I thought I owed it to my friend to know – so I told on the condition that he would not tell anyone or try to do anything about it. It was a sensitive matter. I did not mean to betray the trust of this authority figure, but I also thought it nessesary and appropriate to tell my best friend.

Later that night, I get a call from my friend, sobbing, as he realized that he made a mistake telling his girlfriend some of the content I told him. He promised that nothing was going to happen. He was wrong.

I wake to find myself having to deal with the mess. I had to admit to the authoritative figure that I blabbed to my friend. I now lost this figure’s trust. I also spend the better part of my day trying to convince that this friend, who has some personal issues to work out, deserves yet another chance. By the end of stating my reasons, I began to realize what a fool I was.

I found myself working for a lost cause. I’m so mad at myself for not recognizing that I was spending all my time spinning my wheels for nothing. I came to this conclusion as this “friend” no longer speaks to me, make eye contact, or anything. He has not apologized or thanked me for all that I have done for him – trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and make people give him a second chance.

How naive of me to not see this. I should have seen it coming. I tried to be a nice person and support a person who needed support. I guess I could use a metaphor here: I threw my friend a life-preserver. He then would proceed to take it, destroy it, shout obscenities at me, and then drown.

I don’t know how to feel. Sad? Sad because he has nothing now. Angry? Angry because he is unappreciative? Mad at myself for getting involved in a situation which now has hurt me?

So, if the last few days I seem overly cynical, I do apologize. I am now forced to look at things differently. I used to place trust in everyone, but now, I doubt those who I placed trust in as well as new people I meet.

Thanks friend for making my life a living hell for the past week.

kw